I've been going to church now for over a month. It's a long story as to how I got started again, at this time I'll just say that I'm enjoying the experience. Our church in Tivoli is St. Sylvia's. It is a lot different since the time I went with the kids back in the 70's and 80's. Oh, it's the same beautiful small church, and like so many churches has the feeling of another world, another country to it. Oh, the church is the same, but attendance is way down; today there were many 20 people at the most - all older, no kids at all. When I used to take the kids, the church was full, and there were all ages, and all sizes. Today I sat in the same pew as I did so many years ago with the kids. I remember how it was always a challenge then, to get everybody ready, in the car and seated in that pew for Mass.

And then, it was the challenge of keeping them behaved, not laughing, not wriggling or poking each other. That's when the term "the church face" was given to me, apparently my face turned into something completely abnormal, that demanded certain behavior to change. The kids would sneak in toys, anything to keep them amused. One time I looked over at Sabra and she had pulled Chatty Cathy out of her pocket and right before my cringing eyes, pulled the string way out. Now if you remember Chatty Cathy was a small doll that would talk when the string was pulled, saying things like "I want a hamburger" "I think I'm pretty", etc. I grabbed Cathy out of her hands before the string could start down. Holding the sting taunt, now I had to figure out what to do with it. I couldn't hold it the whole Mass....carefully, everytime the congregation would stand I would release a little string, the noisy standing covering most of Cathy's comment. It took careful concentration and I was sweating bullets while my kids were grinning from ear to ear at my dilemma. Finally, Cathy was quiet and put away in my purse. That's how church was then, nerve wracking.

Today was quiet, no church drama, not even much to look at. The sermon was about 9/11 and especially Father Judge, the Fire Department Chaplain who is listed as the first casualty of that event. The priest returned to his usual theme of you never know when you will be called, a common thread he has included every week for the last month and which always makes me think of Maria. Anyway, he quoted Father Judge as having said, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans for tomorrow." That's basically all I remember of the sermon, but that is plenty.

Twins, I have had twins on my mind for the past weeks. My neighbor has twin girls about six months old that she pushes up and down the street, trying to keep them cool in the summer heat. Then twin fawns appeared in our yard, orphans, that cried first, sad mournful sound, but soon they were just seen quietly nibbling on grass, way too young to survive without a mother's milk. But they did and they still are around. Then an invitation to my twin sisters' birthday this weekend. And most surprising, a book, a wonderful book that weaves the lives of twins in a gothic type plot, The Thirteenth Tale. Helene was reading this book at the lake two weeks ago, could hardly put it down. So I went to the library, and likewise "had my nose in it" (as Bucky would say) until I finished the more than 400 pages in three days. I used to do this all the time, but lately my reading, like my walking, has slowed down.

Twins. I was eight when my twin sisters were born, did not know my mother was pregnant, and my mother did not know she was having twins - a little like a gothic mystery. But my mother came home with two babies, two girls who at first wore bead bracelets "a" and "b". They were small, I don't remember the birth weights, but I do remember my mother relating a scene in which the nurse said to Doctor Supple, "You are not going to let these babies go home so soon, are you?" and as my mother proudly announced, he said "Betty is a good mother. They will be fine." So there we were with two new members of the family - Kathleen and Maureen. Twins.

I had never seen twins before. Two perfect babies that looked exactly alike. I have a picture somewhere of me holding them soon after, one in each arm with a very serious look on my face. When they grew older, I would push one in a carriage, and my girlfriend would take the other in a carriage and off we would go...probably only nine or ten years old ourselves. But twins are magic and everyone smiles, wants to know their names and of course always ask "are they identical"? which always seemed stupid because they looked exactly alike. Just a little difference in their smile, or the look in an eye. In photographs it was harder to tell, and we would go back and forth...that's Kathleen, no that's Maureen, Wait, I think it IS Maureen. No it's Kathleen.
Until finally we just said, who cares, it is the twins.

That's how it is with twins....they are individuals, but you tend to pair them, think of them in the same way. The Thirteenth Tale had an evil twin....we didn't have that. Kathleen was kind of a tomboy, wore cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. And Maureen cared more for dolls, once getting hurt from a doll. The arm had come off. In those days they were wired on and somehow the wire cut her mouth, tongue, something bad. That's the thing with twins, you had twice the responsibility, twice the nerve wracking care, but like the old tune used to go "double the pleasure, double the fun, with doublemint doublemint doublemint gum".

Twins. They run in families you know. Grandma Burky had twin sisters (or maybe brothers) she didn't know that until after Bucky had had her twins, having left Europe at an early age. They skip a generation, is the theory. If so, we are due for twins in this family any day now. Wouldn't that be great?

This poor blog has been on a long dry run, end it today with my birthday. 68th birthday...what a ride. There used to be a tv show in the 50's called This is Your Life and Ralph Edwards would surprise a person, usually a celebrity, by reading from a big book a bio of their life, bringing in people from their past that they hadn't seen for years. Some of the surprised lifers would be less than happy to have their life paraded in front of them, but most seemed to enjoy it. 68 years - who would they bring out and what would they say?

I just had a email that there was a comment from Kathy L on facebook that said "happy birthday" - so that's one person they could bring out...tell about when we worked together at IBM, the escapade when we didn't get a raise, so we would come in a half an hour early and be "greeters". We would stand near the door, drinking a cup of coffee from the cafeteria and just say "Good Morning" to everyone, making overtime for no work. No one ever challenged us..I guess there was nothing in the Manager's Manual about greeters.

Then I got a birthday card from Timmy's sister Meg. Meg could come out and tell us about our fun in Florida...one New Year's Eve her husband Bob was playing in a band and they played a song with the line "with a girl named Lindy Lou" and I got up on a picnic table to dance. Now with these knees I have a hard time sitting at a picnic table.

Then there was my 60th birthday party at the Black Swan, with Shockwave, wearing an UPS uniform came to the door..."package for Linda Murphy, package for Linda Murphy". Maria had borrowed the uniform from a friend whose husband had worked for UPS. Shockwave had a boom box, plugged it in, and started to Shock Wave, dancing, throwing off the uniform, bobbing and weaving in front of me. My nephew John grabbed his three daughters to escape before Shockwave went too far, and Erin screamed all the way out, "But we haven't had cake yet, we need to have cake". Shockwave stopped at his Scooby Doo underwear, but he would be a good one to bring on stage.

Chrissy could tell about our adventures in Ireland, driving the little red rental car on the wrong side of the road. Once the car was too close to a stone wall, and a long scratch appeared, we used red nail polish to disguise it. Or the time in Provincetown when we were the only women in a restaurant. "Look Chrissy," I said pointing to a figure near the bar, "There's another woman."
Chrissy looked and answered, "Loggy, that's a man dressed like a woman."

68 years is a long time. I can remember when jet planes were something special, rattling the windows of the house, and we would run out to see the stream they left in the sky. Or go up to the old schoolyard to watch Sputnik make it's orbit over our house. The inventions - air conditioning, TV, video games, cell phones, span the years, as well as I Like Ike, the Nixons, the tragedies of the Kennedy boys, Bill Clinton's cigar and now Obama. Like I said, it's been a ride and I'm waiting for the next turn in the road.

Well, this is the fifth day back from vacation. It was a good one, weather-wise, family-wise, and fun-wise. I guess some of my favorite memories are just sitting on the beach, watching the tide coming in and going out and observing my family..all four generations (counting me) interacting.
Some of the memories are:

o The sand castle contest. Ava, Atticus, Shane, Regina, Zach and Ian each made their own and then explained and described it. Ava's won for its ecology, Shane for his humor (the stupid people made their homes outside of the castle wall), Regina most unusual (her castle was underground) and Atticus for most elaborate. Ian only used his hands, no shovel and Zach had a trench going several feet, the longest.

o Finding the skeleton. On a beach walk, Ava yelled to me "Linny, look at that" pointing to a large skeleton high on the rocks. Jer identified it as a seal or a dolphin and decided to take it home with him. He recovered it in the dark of night and rode home next to it in the back seat.

o The food. Kevin caught bluefish,bass and striper which Jer cooked for us...bluefish on a plank and leftover bass made into fish cakes. The fish cakes were voted the best of all. I made oysters Rockefeller, but couldn't find the spinach (we never did find out what happened to it), but they were a hit when I added cream cheese.

o The cocktail party. The girls came down the hill from Laura's cottage all dressed up, high heels, gorgeous outfits and eye makeup. Helene found a dress in the Wellfleet Thrift shop that was perfect and I wore a pantsuit that was about 20 years old. Atticus kept grabbing the pants part saying, "I can't believe they are pants". I guess she never saw anything like that. Maureen wore a black dress with a large moon necklace and Caitlin made Pina Coladas and Marquaritas.

o The refrigerator going up the stairs to Laura's cottage. The cottages were experiencing power surges and Laura's refrigerator died. When the handyman came to replace it, he was alone and started the long trek up many steps to the cottage. We were enjoying Happy Hour on the deck, watching the whole show. It was like the Laurel and Hardy when they have to move a piano up a hundred steps. He made it, then a while later had to come down with the old one. A little entertainment for us.

o Elf shoes. Gabby (Jer's girlfriend) came back from Provincetown with a pair of green elf shoes, with the front toes pointing up. You had to smile to see them.

o O'Leary visit. John and his family came, and had a surprise, my great neice Catlin with them. The seven girls sat in the house, eating, texting and being girls. Good looking bunch.

o The kids. Solomon and Henry in the water, laughing, Shane threatening his brother Zach, "If you touch this sand castle, I will put your face in the sand and stand on your head until you are dead." Pretty good threat that worked. My bedroom was over the back yard and one night I heard...Do you have the flashlight? Where's the shovel? OK. let's bury it. I think they were burying a broken pingpong paddle, but I will never know.

So that's it...I will probably think of a hundred more. That's what vacations are for, memories that pop in your head that make you smile.

One of Bucky's favorite sayings was "after the Fourth of July the summer is over". It used to drive us nuts because summer was just starting, but I realize now there is some truth to that. The stores are already advertising back to school items. I read an article where a woman's father use to say on June 22, the first day of summer, "well, that's it, now it is going to get darker earlier everyday". Maybe parents just have to torment their kids.

But I do notice signs that summer is going fast. The baby birds are just about all grown up, the first batch anyway. You still see a few "baby Huey's" bigger than their parents flapping their wings, nosily screaming, waiting to be fed some of my sunflower seeds. And the squirrels are all fighting for a place at the feeders, little mean red squirrels and big gray squirrels, but no more babies. With no rain for days past the bird baths are getting a lot of use. I do love to see the chipmunks and the squirrels taking advantage of them and leaning way over to get a drink. So summer is moving ahead.

Next week we will be in Wellfleet. The whole family is going and we are whipping ourselves into a seaside mindset. Lobsters, oysters, clams, beach umbrellas, are all we talk about. "Don't forget to bring the games, some good knives, these houses never have a good knife, do you think four pounds of butter is enough? I mean we are getting into a frenzy. I myself think the oil spill has something to do with it. Spill is not quite the word, gush is better. The ocean as we know it is being attacked, under seige by our own greed for oil. Will that mess makes it way to Cape Cod? Will the kids be making sand castles that are black? Will the seagulls be dropping the clams on the stones, flying down and then going "yuck" and leaving them there? With that in mind we are acting like this might be our last time for the beach as we know it. Maybe it is. So Wellfleet here we come.

I was thinking about relationships the other day, what makes some work and others not. I saw Carl Reiner on a talk show and he and his wife Estelle (now deceased) were married for 64 years. He said that once she was asked what's the secret for a successful relationship and she answered, "You have to be able to stand the other person". Estelle was famous for one role in the movies, in her son's production of Harry Meets Sally, she had the line: "I'll have what she's having". Anyway, at first I thought she was setting the standard a little too low. Like he has to be able to use a fork (not even a knife). But when you think about it, it might just come down to that. You have to be able to stand the person to have the relationship go on and on.

My mother Bucky use to say "like finds like", but I lean more to "opposites attract". I met Mr. Haley 23 years ago. Maria, Jer and baby Rachael drove to Beacon to show Aunt Lillian and my mother the new baby. My brother came up from the cellar with this strange looking guy wearing overalls and my brother started apologizing right away. "I'm sorry about this, but he wanted to meet you" and that's how Harry Met Sally.

23 years is a long time (we've been engaged for 22 of them) and I think it's because he interests me in a strange way. Like his bathroom habit of playing boggle whenever he feels the need to go. He's done that for years and no one ever questions the boggle game next to the toilet. One year he measured the sun everyday, covering the floor with little yellow stickons and typing measurements methodically into the computer. He even measured the sun on our trip to Florida, which was quite exciting because the numbers are all different down there. One day in the summer he was measuring on the Bird's Nest deck to take advantage of as much sun as possible. A lady came to see the B&B, and as we passed him on the deck, with all the yellow stickons, I just explained "He's doing a scientific experiment". I don't think she ever came back.

We're alike in some ways, both like puzzles, crossword or suduku, and both like to sing. Sometimes we sing together, he is much better than I am, but singing together is always fun. Ironically, I sang a song with his Uncle John 52 years ago. He was my sister's best man at their wedding. We sang Down By the Old Mill Stream. It was fun because it goes: down by the old (and I would say 'old not the new but the old')and he would say where I first (and I would say 'first not the second but the first") met you (not me but you), dressed in gingham (not silk but giingham). Well I guess you get the idea. What we sometimes do is get the other person stuck on a song. It's really easy to do. First get a good tune. Yesterday I heard in Shop Rite, "Keep on Believin' by Journey, "she took the midnight train going anywhere'. Then you just sing it a few times and before you know it, you hear the other person humming or whistling or even saying the words to the song. Timmy is more the "Whip It" type, and me the "Zip A Dee Dooda" but it works with almost any tune.

So, I think Estelle was right. If you can just stand them, it can work out.

Today is a beautiful, almost summer day. The sky blue and sunny after more than three days of clouds and rain. Ria's grave was beautiful, the flowers really picking up now and some starting to bloom. I added flowers from Stop and Shop having brought scissors and water with me. I had to clean off the stone, it was covered with bird shit. A pair of mockingbirds were flying around. Ria's stone is one of the highest perches for them, and you can tell they like to use it to spot the next bug they will take to their babies. The date June 15, 1962 kept drawing my eyes. I remember it so well. It was a Friday morning, a little after 3am that she was born. An easy delivery but I was too excited to sleep much and starving when they brought me breakfast on a tray early in the morning. The tray held a card with a baby wearing a graduation cap that said class of 1980. I kept that for her baby book. The breakfast was hash, toast and two runny eggs. (One time in a diner the man in back of me ordered eggs "overeasy, no snot.") He would not have been happy with these. But I ate everything, wiping the plate with my toast. The orderly smiled at me as he picked up my finished tray. "Look at that", he kidded, "you ate the design right off the plate." I was anxious to see my baby. After delivery, they took the baby one way to the nursery, and sent me the other way, to my room. Finally, a nurse stuck her head in the door. "Do you want to see the most beautiful baby in the nursery?" she asked and brought in Maria. And she was beautiful, big, big eyes, rosy clear skin and a soft halo of red hair. I remember staring at her, watching her pulse bobbing in her "soft spot" thinking all kinds of thoughts.

The Soft Spot -that's what Bucky had explained to me when she brought home my baby brother and baby sisters. "That's their soft spot" and she pointed at the top of their head. "The fontanel," she added, impressing me with her knowledge. "Their skull is not quite formed yet. They need that soft spot to be born. But you can never touch them there.....their brains are covered with just that little bit of thin skin." I was horrified, but interested too. A soft spot.

At the grave today, I thought about that soft spot. Ria's death is kind of like that a soft spot that is tender, pulsing with memories. Proof of the love we all felt for her and the love she so generously gave to us. Happy Third Birthday in Heaven, Maria. Love, Ma